When trying to re-establish a relationship you must first rebuild TRUST. 

To build trust you must

• be who you say you are and
• do what you say you will do.

And

• Demonstrate ownership of your responsibility to be a safe and respectful person.

Do this through:

• How you choose to communicate a message – with/or without words.
• Your choice of language and action, and the delivery.

Always consider what lasting impression you would like to leave from every moment.

Would you prefer a familiar memory of you as feared and unpredictable or… a safe, reliable, empathetic, genuine and comforting person, with the best interests of your partner and children?

Ways you can built trust:

• Keep your word -  Always do what you say you will do. Remember that everything you say you will do is a promise.
• Think before doing - Take time to make decisions. Think before acting. Don’t commit to something you can’t stick to. Saying no is better than making a promise you can’t keep.
• Be honest - If you lie and are found out then people will assume you will lie about anything. Lies add up. What you say should always be the truth.
• Treat people well - Be considerate and have good manners. Think about what other people might want or need, as well as what you want.
• Help when you can - One of the best ways to build trust is to help people. Kindness goes a long way to building trust.
• Don’t hide your feelings - Don’t hide your feelings to appear tough and avoid looking vulnerable. When people know you care, they are more likely to trust you.
• Do it for yourself - It is very hard to stick to a new way of acting if it is for some other reason (like trying to make a person forgive you or doing it for Court or Child Protection). Change that sticks comes from doing right for its own sake, because you believe that is who you want to be.
• Say sorry - When you do something wrong or make a mistake, say sorry. A person who can say sorry is a person who can be trusted not to put the blame on others.
• Be patient -  Trust can take time to build and there is no time limit on how long it might take. It might never happen.
• Trust is a feeling, not a decision - The other person will trust you when they can, and not before.

Deepen your understanding

Take some time to look over this and really think about the behaviours you may have used,. - Remember this may be confronting take your time and come back to this later if you need to.

Print out the Handout No. 15 – How to Build Trust document below and complete the activity.

Think about what language and actions you need to do more of to build trust with your partner or child and write them down for ongoing review.